In the future we'll all be gay
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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