i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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