He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
