The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
