chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
