So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
