I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
