When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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