Plan B is the new Plan A
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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