I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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