i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
