White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
