I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
