I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
