I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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