I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
