im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
