38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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