im drinking this country out of the recession.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Even my vagina gasped.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
