I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
