i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
