but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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