puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
