so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Dear god my vagina.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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