i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Come on in and take your pants off
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