I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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