part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
