Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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