Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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