Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
