goodnight i made you a song goodbye
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
