Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
