SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
