I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
