Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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