Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
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It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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