why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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