I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
