I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
someone get that fucking seahorse.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
