my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
3pm strippers are depressing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
