lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
