she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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