I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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