just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
