we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
