insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
