i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
