When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
