i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
