I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
