Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
