I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
