I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
