It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
