Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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