Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
