I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
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I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
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I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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