as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
