I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Randomize
