he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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