Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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