I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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