3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
