I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
