those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
