I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
