I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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