Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
