Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
