You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
