The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
