I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Randomize
