just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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