Can i not drive my cunt home
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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