she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
this hospital has no fireball
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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