I CAN MOONWALK!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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