i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
