i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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