Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
