Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
