So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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