Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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