it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
